Too Bound To Bind
You sound very overwhelmed right now. It is clear that you are very empathic with this guy and are drawn to him for some reason. Perhaps you have a past-life connection with him that has not been resolved. More likely he has some kind of lesson for you in this life. I hope you can learn it without being hurt.
He sounds like a very Hades or Dionysian personality. His self-destruction is both fascinating and horrifying–like a car accident, we can’t look away. He is charming and makes people feel good, but it sounds from your letter that he is hurting a lot inside. People who drink like that often do it as a sort of self-medication, but have been doing it for so long they forgot why they are hurting. The fact that you feel the negativity around him means you’ve pierced his secret: he may be laughing on the outside, but is in a lot of pain and grief inside. Even without knowing him long, you have made a genuine connection. He has touched you, but have you touched him? The unreciprocated nature is troubling to me, and, it sounds like, to you too.
Does he remind you of anyone you know? Does anyone in your family have a similar problem? Ask around to double check–sometimes we pick things up as children that we don’t realize are adult problems. It doesn’t have to be an exact match to his problem, but if you find someone in your family with a similar situation, this lesson may be your inner-self trying to fix a family problem through him.
Freud would say that you are projecting your own negativity and self-destructive (Thanatos) energies onto him. His advice would be to find a better expression of your that Thanatos energy, perhaps re-routing it through sexual activity. But that’s Freud’s opinion.
I’m going to tell you something extremely important, and I know you aren’t going to listen to me. I wish you would, but I’ll understand if you don’t. But I want to plant this voice in your subconscious so maybe you will hear it and listen to it before it is too late: You Cannot Help Him.
I know it sounds wrong and feels wrong and you feel totally compelled to try, but let me say it again You Cannot Help Him. He hasn’t asked you and you don’t have the skills. Until he works on himself there isn’t enough of him that is safe enough for you in a relationship–even a friendly one. It sounds like he is already getting the medical attention he needs and is on his way to recovery with professionals ready to help him. I bet an occasional good thought would go a long way.
You said that he spent a week in a mental institution. That is the standard procedure for someone who has attempted to kill themselves. Red Flag.
Of course you want to help him: you are a good person, and a sensitive person. Part of you feels that if you help him, the pain you are feeling will go away. If you are feeling bound up to him now, you will feel more bound up if you try and help him. Your intentions aren’t really altruistic in that sense. He hasn’t asked you for help, but the idea is very romantic, really (even if you aren’t romantically involved). The idea of being a hero is very appealing, and you can be a hero! But you should choose your own adventure, and it sounds like this is something you don’t actually want. Your intuition here is good: listen to it.
I assume from your letter that the Binding spell you are referring to is one similar to what they do in The Craft, where she binds Nancy from “harm against other people and harm against yourself”. It sounds good and ethical but there is a problem. When you do magic, your energy and will binds with theirs to cause change, and if you are Wiccan you believe that whatever you send out comes back to you threefold. Do you really want to bind your energy to him in any way three times what it is now?!
You cannot help him, but you can, and should, help yourself. The first step for you will be grounding and shielding.
There are many good meditations for this, so find one that works the best for you. An easy one is to close your eyes, take three deep breaths, and imagine you are surrounded by a blue or white light that acts like a shield. Imagine bad energy simply bouncing off of you. Be sure to tell the energy to let good things in and keep negativity out. Before you go out anywhere, put up your shields. You might choose to make an amulet to hold the energy for you, so that it bathes you in protection as you wear it. Whenever you aren’t sure whose feelings are whose, shield up. Whether you visualize armor, or a protective totem animal perched on your shoulder (I’ve heard of folks who had particular luck with Ravens…), make sure that it works for you. Use it as often as you need to. The more you visualize it, the more it will be there on its own, without you putting conscious effort into it. Yes, you have the power to do this.
You will also need to cleanse yourself from him. I think this is a better choice than ritually cutting yourself off from him (it hurts, besides, you might not learn the lesson you need, and you don’t want this coming around again!). Choose a night on the dark moon, with a thorough cleansing using the four elements. One of my favorite heavy duty cleansers is a steam bath: put on the bath water as hot as you can, put in some Epsom and bath salts or some purifying herbs (skin safe!), pour yourself a mug of chamomile tea and soak up to your neck (don’t get your hair wet) for as long as you can stand. Then hop out quickly and into bed. I recommend putting towels below and above you. Put the blanket over your head and sweat sweat sweat. Purge him out and dissolve your unwanted connection–ask the Gods for their gentle help. You’ll want to set an alarm or something to rouse you, because you don’t want to spend too long doing this–maybe 15 minutes sweating at most. When you are done, cool down slowly by hanging around in the nude and air drying. You will probably feel light headed and a little dizzy, but don’t panic, just have a seat somewhere ventalated. If you have visions, let them come and pass and worry about their relevancy later. Really stay with your body. Have a glass of cool water. Have two. Have a vitimin and something good to eat, like a piece of fruit or a sandwich. I usually go to bed after that, and feel very free, fresh and clean the next day.
You might want to create a series of ritual defense for yourself. Remember that the focus is to change yourself, your attitudes, behavior and beliefs, not to change him in any way. If you keep your focus and align your will, you are guaranteed success.
There may be a time when you feel reluctant to do this, that cutting yourself and your empathy off with shields will make you less special. Your sensitivity is a gift that you must learn to master. Right now, you are in danger from being so close to him, so protect yourself first. You can work on honing your skills later.
The best of luck and skill to you. I know you have the power and will to do this. Please let us know how this turns out.