Dear Witchful Thinking,
I found your site in a search for ways to protect my home from a guest who I am going to have to invite into my home, but this woman, who is also a Witch, does not not like me and I do not trust her. I am Wiccan also, my distrust isn’t due to her beliefs. I need some advice on ways to protect my home when inviting an unfriendly guest who could cause harm into it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
There’s an old saying that goes “guests are like fish, they stink after three days”. Ok, it’s not a very nice thing to say, but there is something to it. Back in the day, maybe our parents generation, folks knew what it meant to be a guest. This included cleaning up after yourself, offering to cook one night, and generally not trying to be much of a burden on the host. Now-a-days, guests expect it to be like at a hotel, where they are waited on hand and foot. Some open communication with your guest could really help–especially establish when she will be leaving.
I assume that since you have to invite this guest into your home, that you are either 1) related, 2) working on a business deal, 3) trying to please your partner who wants them to visit, or 4) taking a charity case and you are the nicest person ever.
In Wicca, we recognize that sometimes people we don’t like are actually very like us. It is what we see in them that we don’t like about ourselves. So what is it about this woman that you dislike so much? Is it her manners? Her attitude? Or just the fact that she doesn’t like you? And does she really not like you? Or do you just think that she doesn’t like you?
I don’t know what kind of harm this woman can do to you that you would allow. If she breaks something like a vase, that harm can often be mended. Even if it is irreplaceable–it’s just stuff. If she leaves “bad vibes”, you can clean them up when she’s not looking, and recognize that it’s probably only upsetting you anyway (you’re the sensitive Witch, after all!). Will she physically hurt your animals or children? That’s unacceptable for anyone, Witch or no, and she should know better (after all, who needs that kind of 3-fold return Karma??). So what kind of harm are we talking about?
Not everyone will like you. Sometimes they are projecting their own past on you. Perhaps you symbolize something distasteful to them. Sometimes they just have the wrong impression. Often their values are different than yours. It doesn’t make sense, but I think you know it is true. Something about you scares them–and that there is valuable information that you should try to find out! With that info, you can work on it and learn to help them have some compassion for you. Here’s the thing: it goes the other way, too: As Above, So Below, right?
Remember that Wiccans work for the highest good for all involved, especially because we reap our own Karma. Is starting a Witch War going to help you do that? Your guest may not have the same values that you do, even if you are both Witches, but hold true to YOUR highest ideals and strive ever toward them (Thanks Uncle Al!).
So, it sounds like you can’t change the situation. But you can change your mind. Imagine this woman is, well, a Witch–she challenges you and rubs you the wrong way and might cast a spell on you. You can’t fight her with sword and shield, so you must defeat her in less obvious ways. You are the hero in the journey and story of self-awareness and personal growth. You will defeat her because you know the ways of magic. You know that you are powerful, and nothing she can do will truly harm you (after all, a curse only works if you believe in it). You listen to her and are kind to her because you know that she can teach you something about yourself and about the world.
My advice in real life? Kill her with kindness. Make food she’ll enjoy. Make her comfortable. If she gets petty, take the highest road. If you think she’s casting spells on you, utterly ignore them. If her vibes are trashing your house, cover them with your light vibes of peace and tranquility (and a little sage or cedar never hurt either). Do not sink to her level and engage in a Witch War. I promise you will both lose.
Perhaps this isn’t the advice you wanted. But I honestly believe that when you cast spells on people, your Karma gets tangled with theirs. And I know I don’t want to be tangled with someone I don’t actually like. I trust that the Gods and the Laws of Karma will even things out in the long run. Until then, I’m free to change myself–and so are you. You have a valuable opportunity for learning here. I suggest you take it and run with it!
Otherwise, check out this article on clearing spaces and keeping magically safe.
Some of them are even funny! I snagged and edited them off of here.
How many Garnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Can’t say. It’s oathbound.
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Same number as Gardnerians.
How many Dianics does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s not funny!!!!
From: Outpagan Q: What is a male honeybee's favorite magickal item? A: The caul-drone Q: What kind of furniture does a Goddess worshipper prefer? A: Wicker Q: Why did the Wiccan novitiate give up pork? A: She thought the Rede said, "Chew what you will, but ham?--none."
From: Sisterlynx How many Solitaries does it take to change a lightbulb? Who cares!
From: Outpagan A high priest tells his coven member, "Hey, I heard a new fundie joke today." The member replies, "Man, you're always slamming fundies. Why don't you tell us a Martian joke instead?" "OK, Two Martians are carrying their Bibles to church. The first Martian says, 'At the revival last week, I led 15 new souls to accept Jesus Christ as their personal saviour' and the other Martian says--" "Never mind," says the member.
From: EastLion That's almost as bad as the one I heard about the Dyslexic devil-worshipper. He sold his soul to Santa.
From: Sekhmet59 (Mild slam, but I liked the joke...) What's the difference between New Age and Pagan? About $500.00 a weekend.
From: ASBrowne01 I'm sure you are all familiar with the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog....
From: Great Seer The definition of "SAINT": "A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives." (Just something I overheard at a Unitarian service this morning...)
From: SpotedWolf Hey, us dyslexics have a sense of humor, too. The bumper sticker 'Dyslexics of the world Untie" --it works
From: ROOCAT I recently saw a bumper sticker that said D. A. M. -- Mothers Against Dyslexia
From: Beasty101 How many Dianacs does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.
From: Mitheldhae When God Created Men She must have been Drunk and Horny!
From: WITRHAWK How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb??? None.. they call the electrician who's also pagan and keeps the money in THEIR community.
From: Ciorstag How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb??? None -- if a candle was good enough for Gramma it's good enough for me!
From: Rhiahnnon2 I know we are all sick of the "Confuscious say" jokes, but I have to rehash them for this message board =D "Confuscious say man who sits alone in church, sits in his own pew" ***Groan!***** "Confuscious say man who stands on toilet is high on pot" ******Double Groan!!!******
From: Thorolf A personal favorite: How many Asatruar does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you. And the old Nordic classic: Why don't Norse pagans perform the Great Rite? Because it's impossible to get a saxknife into a beer bottle.
From: LadyCharis Q: What is a witch's favorite snack? A: PAN pizza
From: Outpagan Q: What's a witch's favorite subject in school? A: SPELLing.
From: Rhiahnnon2 I've got two bumper stickers (I can't use them or the hubby will get hell on base) one says "Life's a witch and then you fly" the other says "Beam me back Merlin" They're not knee thumpers, but I think they're cute :)
From: Outpagan WHY M&M'S ARE WICCAN: * MM = Merry Meet * Round shape for wheel of the year, cycle of seasons * Skins are different colors, but the inside is the same chocolate, because we are all related. * Associations with the colors: Red = South Green = West Dark Brown = North Yellow = East Orange = For the Solar God Light Brown = For the Earth Mother (Copper Woman) * Rotate the M & M: M = 13th letter of alphabet, and there are 13 witches in a coven 3 = Triple Goddess, three phases of moon W = Witchcraft, Wiccan E = Enlightenment, Enchantment of chocolate * "Melt in your mouth, not in your hand"--God/dess's love must be experienced directly to appreciate. Also, God/dess will take care of you. * Sweetness to remind us of how sweet the love of the God and Goddess is!
From: Aarmanda Those are great bumper stickers. I got one from a friend today that has a picture of Barbie dressed all femnist and it says "Barbie gets a Brain"
From: Nosferati Try this one, I ran across it once: ***ERROR #666 HARD DRIVE POSESSED! Load EXOR.SYS (Y/N)*** (actually I stole it from YeloRoz) When that happens, and EXOR.SYS doesn't work, do you 'ascii' a priest? And with spirits, you can get slimed. With a posessed HD, do you get 'gui'ed??
From: ArachneG Here's one you can just about get shot for where I live (Georgia) but I like it anyway: If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
From: Ausrine Sign in a Wiccan bookstore: "No Shoplifting! Offenders will be Possessed! Second-time Offenders will be Re-Possessed!"
From: VacmClnrMn What is one thing you never have to worry about? Your airplane being hijacked by a group of radical Unitarians. Also, I heard something before about a modern Wicca who used a vacuum cleaner instead of a broom and a 24 caliber instead of a knife (hey, it's still phallic!)
From: EastLion At a store I used to go to there was a parchment affixed to the wall with a daggar that read "Shoplifters will be merrily hacked to pieces!", needless to say, I don't think they had much of a problem.
From: J FoxDavis How do you scare a UU (Unitarian Universalist) our of your neighborhood? Answer: Burn a Question Mark on their lawn.....
From: LdyHawke Long ago when I belonged to an Artists' Cooperative...we had many fragile hand crafted items sitting around on shelves. Since we were located in a local shopping mall we had much foot traffic by parents who saw no need to look after their children much to our dismay. Finally a sign we posted at the door seemed to get our message accross... WARNING! Unattended children may be eaten by starving artists!
From: Mariah Q Q: How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles. Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb? A: Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin. Q: How many ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: One; he stands still with the bulb, and the universe revolves around him.
From: Axe of Men This is one of the BEST ideas to come out the Pagan Community since including Duct Tape as the sixth element. The following jokes were told to me by a Thelemite, and thus I am completely exonerated from the retelling. How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb? None. Crowley never wrote a book about it. What do Thelemites do for foreplay? The LBRP. And... How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.
From: LdyHawke BumperStickers found on the Information SuperHighway.......
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
- Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
- Heck is a place for people who don’t believe in Gosh.
- I had my car’s alignment checked. It’s chaotic evil!
- A squirrel is just a rat with good P.R.
From: Rhiahnnon2 Speaking of Bumper stickers, i just saw these today in my new issue of Abyss. The hubby and I died laughing :D
- ” I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures “
- “I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to”
- “Jesus is coming. Look Busy!”
- “My family is more dysfunctional than your family”
- “Re-elect Clinton-Gore and their husbands”
- “God Please save me from your followers”
- “I have the body of a god: Buddha”
- “Jesus saves! By using double coupons & shopping wisely”
From: RebeccaMac Lest we forget the sign that was on the wall at the Abyss in Easthampton, Mass., "Unattended children will be sold as slaves."
From: BethMichel as one who can't remember any jokes... here goes - A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller. "You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says. "That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!," says the man. "That's what you think," says the fortune teller.
From: Silver Elg I heard these on a BBS here in Phoenix, thought I'd share them...
- WASP…We Are Sexy Pagans
- Please hold… All Muse are busy right now, but your insperation is importent to us….
- Starclad dancing to the drums, Something Wiccan this way comes..
- The goddess is alive and She ate my homework…
From: JaneRHCB Having been brought up Catholic, I saw a postcard once that I thought was the funniest thing I ever saw. A nun was angrily standing over a sheepish little boy who was writing on the chalk board "a hundred times" as instructed by the nun: "I am peronally responsible for the agony of Jesus Christ." I showed it to my brother who happens to be a Catholic priest and he didn't laugh, and told me to 'be careful..." I'm so glad to see this folder, and that we can indeed laugh at ourselves. So...how long does it take to get over the GUILT for being personally responsible for the agony...oh, never mind.
From: Rowan354 How may light bulbs does it take to change a Gardnerian? None, they can do it all by themselves, thank you very much!!
- witches do it in the moonlight
- practice safe hex
- misspellers of the world, unit!!
- we’re gardnerians…off with your clothes
- i’m doin my part to piss of the religious right…..r u??
From: Outpagan I am so pleased to see how this folder is growing...makes me laugh every time I check the messages. Has anyone heard the filk version of "Gimme That Old Time Religion"? I first heard it at a political march, but only remember three verses. From the East there is Buddha, He really is much cutah, Comes in brass and glass and pewtah, And that's good enough for me. CHORUS: Gimme that old time religion (x3) It's good enough for me. Have you seen Aphrodite, In her sexy, filmy nighty, Sometimes she can be flighty, But that's good enough for me. Chorus... Then there is the Horned One, Of all the Gods, he's most fun, He likes to hunt in woods and run, And that's good enough for me. Chorus...
From: Outpagan While I'm at it, here's another light-hearted chant for circle use: Hooray for ( or "we love") the Sun God, He is a fun God, Rah, Rah, Rah. Most appropriate for the coming summer months. I'd love to hear a Goddess version.
From: Sekhmet59 Ooh, an old favorite. A few verses of this appeared in Larry Niven's _Dream Park_. Let's see if I can recall them... It was good enough for Isis She will help us in a crisis And she's never raised her prices, So she's good enough for me! (Chorus) It was good enough for Kali Though embracing her is folly She'd be quite an armful...golly! And she's good enough for me! (Chorus) It was good enough for Odin Though those omens were forbodin' 'Til at last the giants rode in, And it's good enough for me! (Chorus, of course...)
From: MIDSUMMER Ankh if you love Isis!!
From: Domesday ::::::::bumper sticker seen in Virginia suburbs near D.C.:::::: Domineering, coldhearted, vicious bitch seeks submissive, warmhearted, caring man for INTENSE love/hate relationship!
From: TempleLuna This is an old bumper sticker: "Sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma."
From: MIDSUMMER this one is a little late. Did you hear, Easter is canceled this year........yeah, they found the body. If you are offended by this one, lighten up its only a joke ( they didn't really cancel easter)
From: Card Lady2 Oh I'm tired of ronald reagan He's too square to be a pagan Let's all vote for carl Sagan 'cause he's good enough for me From my hubby. Also he wants to know if anyone has the compleete version of "plastic jesus" "I don't care if it rains or freezes as long as I got my plastic jesus... Plastic jesus Plastic jesus Plastic jesus sittin' on the dashboard of my car pretty soon you'll have to go You're magnet's ruinin' my radio Plastic jesus sittin' on my car!"
From: J0dawi Possibly original with Wednesday / alt.magick / alt.magick.pagan / etc. Possibly misquoted: (Think B-52's, i think: "The Love Shack" song...) "The Love Law is a little place where We can Will together Love Law 93, ..." And... "Love in the Raw, Love on the Pill."
From: Silver Elg I thought I'd ad some one-liner's I've seen or heard. (mostly taglines..) --- What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub? - Self-Cleaning Coven ----Get a taste for religion, Lick a Witch! ---Best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on...
Now, my mother is not Pagan. But she loves the Mediterranean and the art of old Europe. Since she retired, she’s been traveling the world taking classes with famous glass lampwork artists. I’m still working on getting her to take me to Greece…
Anyway, since she’s retired, she’s also taken up decorating, and has done things to the house and the garden that are quite lovely. My favorite is the sitting area in the yard, with a three-foot tall statue of Demeter, revealing her leg. It is a replica of a classic statue, and the leg is filthy from the farmers that have touched it, asking for her blessing. I do the same when I am there. The sitting area also includes a statue of Athena, and a head of Apollo. That is, until recently.
Mom: Um, sweetie, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything…but could you bring my head back?
Me: The what?
Mom: Apollo. He’s been stolen!
So apparently some really tough kids or possibly gang members have stolen it. I told mom that, perhaps, he just got tired of sitting in the yard and wanted to go places. Surely, she’ll receive a post card from him soon. Like that traveling gnome in Amelie. But maybe, since he’s just a head, he’ll send pictures of him wearing different hats from around the world.
You wish your vacation was this awesome!!
I was thinking about Artemis, and how she often uses a bow to go on hunts in the woods with her female companions. But in the modern world, and tell me what you think….would she use a gun instead? I mean, would she translate to a shotgun toting, camo-wearing country dweller out for a prize buck?
My sweetheart says no, that it wouldn’t be sportly. The purpose of the bow isn’t power, it’s the sportswomanship of the chase. Still, I’m sure she would appreciate some fine tools.
Consequently, dear Artemis, may I present you with this:
This, friends, is the Browning Micro Midas (not THAT Midas!), designed with to be used by all abilities and ages, you can select the perfect bow for your ability and needs. It’s cool, it’s fast, it’s quality. And I bet Artemis already has it.
It is so easy to mock our Salem ancestors for assuming that everything about them makes them a Witch. But how can we identify each other now? This is an ever-evolving list, like a living document, so add on your own thoughts in the comments!
So here we go, in no particular order….How to Identify a Witch!
- Tattoos–look to the quality and quantity of them. It’s not that we’re into pain, or anything, but we are into expressing ourselves, yes? While the fact of having some ink isn’t a dead give away, ask them why they got it and you’re likely to get a very personal and spiritual answer. I had thought to make a blog dedicated to Pagan tattoos, the symbolism and why they got them. I wish I had more ink.
- Long or wild hair–we aren’t known for being uptight and responsible. Many Witches I know have that curly, uncontrollable hair. I wear my hair quite long, as do many Pagan men I know. Perhaps it is our hippie ancestors coming out, or a general disregard to societies mores about personal appearance. I could go into Pauline accounts of why women should cover their hair and aren’t God-like, but who has the time.
- Always know the moon phase– I don’t know why it should come up in conversation, but a Witch always seems to know if we are waxing or waning. A good one will know what zodiac sign it is in and do magic accordingly. As a woman, it’s also handy to keep track of when to expect one’s menstruation.
- They offer a natural remedy for a problem–I love natural remedies. I often keep several salves in my purse for different skin problems, or a anti-bug spray, or some natural digestive enzymes. It is likely that the Witch has made the salve.
- Lots of candles–A Witch won’t mind when the power goes out, she’ll just make a romantic evening out of it! But she won’t light the candle that is consecrated for a specific spell. Nope. We are very particular about our candles.
- Incense in aromas other than patchouli–don’t get me wrong, I love the earthy smell of the stuff. But I also recognize there are a lot of other uses for incense besides covering up…you know.
- A rather large collection of books–this has always puzzled me. If Wicca is a nature religion, why the heck do we have so many books? Maybe it’s because we don’t have the “one” book, so we use lots? Well, look for subjects like mythology, herbalism, shamanism and alchemy. And Buckland’s Big Blue book is probably a give away too…
- Talking to Animals–dogs, cats, birds, snakes, rats, horses…just like our witchy ancestors were accused of doing, we definitely do it. When you believe that all animals are beloved of the Gods–including ourselves–then it only seems polite to talk to them, ask them about their day, and tell them when we’ll be home. Learning to see the world from your pet’s point of view is a wonderful exercise in empathy and compassion.
- Rather too many rings–we call it the Pagan Brass Knuckles when you have a ring or two on each finger. I suppose we are expressing our plurality, and the silver looks really cool all together. It’s customizable, so you can change it based on the moon or the day of the week.
- Wears a Pentacle–this is the big give away. Look to the throat region for what one wants to keep close to their heart. Things people wear as necklaces almost always convey something they value dearly. Especially if they wear it every day. I take choosing a pentacle very seriously, and have only had three in the time I’ve been practicing Paganism to denote certain periods of my life. It’s a great way to identify each other when you don’t know how out they are. A simple “Nice necklace” can subtly say “I know who you are” and implies that you are probably one too. Then they are free to start a conversation, if they are so inclined, out of the broom closet, or have the time.